And I Thought Middle School Was Awkward...

How come no one ever talks about how awkward it is to become a mom? I mean really.... To start off, for 9 months you have another human being actually growing inside of your ever expanding midline. And we all know, what goes in must come out. The coming out stage is just over the top awkward. I mean after so many people have seen your cooter you pretty much have no dignity left. More people want to come in the room while I'm giving birth? Eh, sure, bring it on...step right up, anyone else want to see? And the funny thing is, at that point, you really couldn't care less. That's just weird. I mean how can you have a normal conversation after you've just dropped your pants and been probed by the doctor? I don't really understand how it works, but somehow, it does. Then enter motherhood. Awkward. Period. I would say enough said and leave it at that, but I don't think there is enough said about how weird it is to be a mom, especially a breastfeeding mom. So you've pushed this human out of your body and now you get to experience taking care of it and feeding it. Your stomach feels like bread dough that needs to be kneaded, your "ground zero" burns and aches, your boobs grow like the Grinch's heart after he's hung out with the Who's, and your boobs also hurt like nothing else, it all of a sudden becomes ok to whip out a boob in the middle of a hang out session with your friends, and on top of it all, don't forget that your boobs are full of milk that likes to come out whenever it wants with no regard for your clothing or anything else for that matter. With all of this going on daily, you're supposed to go about your business and greet guests and get dressed as if you're back to normal and as if nothing ever happened to you. I don't know how people do it, to be honest, without saying anything about it. But I've had enough of this awkwardness going unmentioned. Being a mom is awkward people, that's all there is to it. If I have milk stains on my shirt, just disregard it. If I talk about being sore, yes it means down there. If I say that the baby is getting hungry and you're at my house, be warned that that means I need to feed him, BREASTfeed him. If I wear my black sweat pants that I now have 3 pairs of for a couple more months, get over it, I'm uncomfortable in my skin as it is, I'm not wearing tight ass jeans just to look cute all the while writhing in discomfort. SO, if you're not a mom yet and you thought that going through puberty was awkward...look out because motherhood is a whole different story!