Say Bye Bye

Today is a special day in the Lott household. We are done with pacis (I think). I have had a love/hate relationship with the paci from day one of Arden's life. I freaked out when someone gave him a paci in the very beginning because of all the stuff I had read about them not breastfeeding properly if given a paci too early, etc. Then we fell in love with the paci because that meant more sleep for everyone. Heck we even trapped it in the top of his swaddle to guarantee that it would stay in his mouth. I didn't mind it so much for the longest time. Then I saw like a 4 or 5 year old with a paci and completely freaked out and declared that I would NEVER be that mom who allowed my kid to have a paci for that long. Since then, I have wondered how and when to get rid of it. I didn't want him talking through a paci so for the longest time we have restricted paci use to bedtime or naptime only. However, I knew the time would come when he could talk well enough that he would ask for a paci and once that time hit, I wanted to take action. Well, that time has come...."Passss, Passss!" he says. Arden is almost 19 months old and I have been determined to be rid of said paci by the time he turns 2. "You still have 5 months to go, so why now?" you may ask. The answer: I did it on a whim and feel like it is time.

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The story:

Today we were playing in his room and he wanted to get in his bed (a normal occurence when we're playing in there because he knows his pacis are in his bed). So, I decided to sneak them out of the crib before putting him in there to play. He looked all around and so did I *wink, wink* but the pacis were all gone! I told him they went bye bye and were all gone. Later on at nap time I told him as we were walking to his room and he was asking for pacis, that we wouldn't have them for nap and that we would just sleep with our blanket and monkey. He didn't object too much and seemed distracted while we read a story and rocked a little while. He went right down without a fuss and only fussed for about 10 seconds when he realized they really weren't there. SUCCESS! However, he did wake up about an hour earlier than usual and wouldn't go back to sleep (which he would usually do) so the rest of the day was a disaster because he was still tired and cranky. I was hesitant to try it at bedtime, but determined at the same time, so we put him down after our usual routine, except without pacis and I haven't heard a peep since. Yippee!! The pacis are gone!!!................ok, so why am I practically in tears over the pacis being gone?! What the heck is wrong with me? Just sitting here, after he had gone to sleep, not shedding any tears himself, I wanted to cry thinking about that sweet little boy not having his most beloved treasure in the world to help him sleep. He LOVES his pacis and I just took them away, without even letting him say goodbye...I feel like a monster. Am I being ridiculous here? Tell me I'm being ridiculous and that he's ok and that he'll forget about pacis in a couple of days! This is what I've wanted all along and he hasn't even objected to no pacis, yet I am the one losing it?????....I think it's just a part of seeing him grow up. He's not a baby anymore and the lack of pacis proves it. I guess I'm just being a mom....ridiculous.