The Waiting Game

As this pregnancy is coming close to an end, and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little boy, I thought I'd take a look back over the past 9 months. This pregnancy started out with many, many mixed emotions for me. I was scared to death of becoming a mom and was not sure that I was ready for a child. Once the sickness kicked in, I was miserable for many months and at times, definitely wished that I was not pregnant. I feared the unknown and was miserable in the present. I wondered just how I was going to handle gaining weight and getting so big, when for the past several years, all I had done was try to lose weight and stay in some sort of shape. I eventually started to get really excited about having a baby, but still was not confident in my readiness to be a mom. I have never been one who wants to hold other people's babies or to dish out compliments on how cute other people's kids are... my attitude was something like, "they're your kids, you deal with them and I'll keep my distance, thanks!" William and I, both, are not gushy, parent-y types of people. I feel socially retarded when trying to speak to kids and feel like I don't even know how to talk to them, much less what to actually say. So you can imagine how I've felt in trying to picture myself with my own child! Yikes! However, I have been told and am trying to believe it when people say that it is totally different when it's your own child. You people better be right about that!

So anyway, those fears aside, then I entered into the getting big, showing stage of pregnancy. This started everyone, everywhere talking to me about my pregnancy. Everyone wants to know how far along I am, the due date, the sex, the name, and I'm sure much more. Everyone becomes a pregnant woman's best friend, whether they even know her or not. I don't mind the attention, but sometimes it is just strange. I've found myself telling complete strangers that the name of our baby is a surprise or a secret..I know I'll never see them again and they probably think I'm a bit weird when I say this, but I can't rightfully tell a strange woman in the grocery store before I tell my own mom!

I feel like the only thing that people have talked to me about for the past 9 months has been this pregnancy. I mean I don't have much of a life, but there are other things to talk about! How am I feeling? Well I'm pregnant. Are you excited? Yes, but I'm not in a constant state of excitement for 9 whole months, I have other feelings too! Are you ready? Uh? As ready as I am going to be...I mean how can you really be "ready" for something as life changing as a child? The questions go on, but they are ALWAYS about me being pregnant. That's reason enough to want this baby to get here already..I'm ready for a new dialogue in my life!

I am currently in the uncomfortable, anxious stage. The unknown of when the baby will decide to come is somewhat nerve wracking. I am not sleeping very well and it is getting more and more difficult to move around. I can't see my feet so I've stubbed my toes several times. My belly weighs so much it is hard to turn over in bed without feeling like I'm being crushed. Thankfully our weather has been quite pleasant because it takes a very small rise in the temperature to make me start sweating. I don't even sleep with covers anymore, and we keep our thermostat at 67 at night. I have been experiencing all sorts of pains and pressure, none of which I actually know what they are. Contractions? Still haven't figured those out yet, as in what they're supposed to feel like. I can't wear my wedding rings anymore because my hands swell so often. My feet swell some too, but not terribly. However, despite these discomforts, I must say that I am thankful that the baby is thriving and the doctor has no concerns as far as needing to induce labor. I would really like to let him come on his own, even if that means he's a little late. I am hoping he's a June baby (simply so I don't have to share my birthday month! ha!) but if not, that's ok. I'm ready for him to be here and to not be pregnant anymore and for people to stop asking why I haven't had that baby yet, but other than that, I want him to come when he's ready. I am trying to be patient and to enjoy my last few days or weeks of freedom. I have gotten past the being scared of labor stage as well and am saying "bring it on," whatever it takes to be done with pregnancy! SO....that pretty much sums up this pregnancy for me. I don't love being pregnant, I don't even like being pregnant. Will I do it again? Probably, ask me after the birth. Do I have a certain view on how I want my labor to go? Nope, just as long as he gets here and is healthy, whatever happens, happens. Have I been depressed or upset about getting so big? Surprisingly, not as much as I thought. I have an excuse for the weight gain and I'm actually sort of ok with it, even though I weigh more than I ever have in my life...oh well!

Anyway, that's about it. Hopefully I won't have many more posts about being pregnant! Up next: A lifetime of talking about my children! (But seriously people, I am still a person too and there is more to my life than this baby, so can we please talk about something else every now and then? Maybe?!)